@SondraDeeMe: *Learns sign language to keep arguing with boyfriend while giving the silent treatment*
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@nonchalantnacho: Glad my dog is warning me about the child walking down the street catching snowflakes on his tongue. He seems sketchy.
@iwearaonesie: wife's facebook post: so proud of 8, he's trying so hard in school! mama loves you! wife's text to me: he failed gym. gym!! i need a drink
@XplodingUnicorn: Teacher: Fill out the parent form. Me: Why? Teacher: So I can contact you if your kid gets in trouble. Me: *writing* Raised. By. Wolves.