@trevso_electric: Leave a Post-It on your girlfriend's birth control that says, "guess u don't want 2 have my babies haha."
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@missteenussr: Never feel like you're too small to make a difference. After all, a tiny raisin has the ability to RUIN EVERYTHING ITS BAKED IN.
@mrjohndarby: People who say 'mayo' instead of 'mayonnaise' live 12 years longer cos of all the time they save
@GloGurL: My trainer suggested I get a tennis ball to message my back. I got it, but it just sits there. How do you make it go?
@trumpetcake: ANNOUNCEMENT: DENIM CLUB MEETING IS CANCELLED. AVERY RIPPED HIS JEAN VEST AT THE SUPERMARKET. HE'S OKAY, BUT VERY UPSET.