@Maxine12333: 'Leave no stone unturned' is good advice if you're looking for something that crawls out from under rocks.
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@GaryJanetti: Next season on Game of Thrones they're actually going to come to your house and start killing the people watching.
@Dawn_M_: If you say "guess who died?" with a big smile on your face some people get kinda angry.
@steveolivas: 12yo son forgot his electric toothbrush -- so now he has to MOVE HIS ARM to brush his teeth. His protest was legendary.
@themiltron: scientist 1: how did you discover that dolphins have sex for pleasure? scientist 2: [flashback to the craziest night of their life] math