@Abusitron: [leaving 5 minute voicemail] ...and you can reach me at [deep breath] *says phone number as fast as possible, slurring the numbers together*
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@SamGrittner: If Captain America doesn't have a pizza hidden behind his shield at all times, he isn't fighting for the America I want to live in.
@trapgrampa: I remember when you could get a dozen eggs, a loaf of bread, and a gallon of milk for a nickel. now they got these damn security cameras.
@SwirlySkittles: Easiest and quickest way to get me to shut up, open my mouth and get on my knees is to simply make it rain Skittles.
@RidiculousSheri: Yelp review: Dating You have to brush your hair and leave the house. Most places won't let you bring your cat. Would not recommend.