@__candypants: "LeBron has cramps"... I get those every month you baby.
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@rodney_at_large: If the final comments of your speech last 45 minutes, please don't preface them with "and lastly".
@truegritrumble: ME:John's coming over for dinner. WIFE:Work John or Been to Europe John? JOHN:*from outside* This door reminds me of one I saw in England.