@jabbins: Left my car for maybe 15 minutes in front of the dorms and I come back to this. College man
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@OtherDanOBrien: [Cat Businessmen] "Geez, Phil, you look exhausted. Being a new father is tough, huh." *sighs* I only got 16 hours of sleep last night.
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Wake up 5-year-old: Me: We’re late 5: Me: The house is on fire 5: Me: Your sister touched your stuff 5: *barrel rolls out of bed*
@famouscrab: yeah i got a gym membership. its called life. watch me lift this big ass rock. now im gonna do 20 reps of pretending im a beautiful bird