@jabbins: Left my car for maybe 15 minutes in front of the dorms and I come back to this. College man
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@friendly_moon: [hostage situation] Any last words? "Nah, I'm good." If you insist. *puts gun to head* Say you're prayers. "You are prayers. Lol."
@Rollmaninoz: [pet store] Um hi can I have 4 turtles & 1 rat Clerk: hah trying to make ur own ninja turtles dude Me:*hiding miniature sai and katana* n no
@sickipediabot: Thousands of stoners give up smoking weed to avoid having any association with Justin Bieber. Cleverest. Government. Propaganda. Ever.