@MissHavisham: Left water in the car in case I was thirsty & now I can boil pasta in my mouth.
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@TweetPotato314: Me: Sorry I’m late, I was trying to jump my wife’s car for like half an hour. Boss: Need a new battery? Me: No, I just think I need better shoes.
@Playing_Dad: The guy who thought up Super Mario must have had a very complicated relationship with turtles
@ClichedOut: GENIE: u can't wish for more wishes ME: i wish u had permanent irritable bowel syndrome GENIE: *sweating* ha ha then again rules are meant to be broken
@imskytrash: retweet this to electronically sign my petition to ban windmills worldwide . we've had enough bird casualties . and for what ?more wind ?