@GrantTanaka: Left work, txted wife "Coming homo." Then I txted her "Haha whoops, I meant BEcoming homo."
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@FishySnowborder: Went out drinking at the bar last night. Took a cab home. Trying to figure out what to do with the cab in my garage?
@flashember: [Spain, 1578] "I'm not a witch!" But all the cats? "My pets!" The broom? "For cleaning!" The cauldron of boiling children? "Ok I'm a witch."