@donni: Legalize drugs. Criminalize dumbasses.
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@davidkenny100: Pal: "on your date, ask her about herself. Oh! And girls love a guy into animals" Me: "how much do you weigh? about as much as baby cow?"
@bingowings14: My mum tells me that she turns the internet off when she goes to bed, incase you're wondering why your screen just went blank.
@MissBamantha: Nothing in the history of the English language has backfired more than the phrase "calm down."