@StevioSquared: Leonardo DiCaprio playing me in the movie of my life, but in the scene where I'm watching Titanic, it's me playing him.
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@shkeeber: I would never take candy from a stranger, but I'd probably follow a trail of bacon straight into the back of a windowless white van.
@KirstenCatClub: Things a raccoon and I have in common: 1) Dark circles around the eyes. 2) Likes eating junk. 3) We're both cute but will kill you.
@seamussaid: son you're getting older and one way I show my trust in you is letting you tackle some tough jobs on your own; bathing the cat for starters
@rolldiggity: 1. Tattoo "I'M WATCHING YOU" on your shaved head. 2. Grow hair and wait for daughter's boyfriend to come over. 3. Shave head in front of him