@RiddlingDreams: Lesbians should not be allowed to buy dildos, they made their choice!!
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@ehdannyboy: I was running for a bus but I just missed it and had to pretend i didn't want it in the first place so kept running now I'm in Belgium
@DaddyJew: Apparently shouting out "he has a gun" isn't the best way to let everyone in the bank know that you see the security guard. I know this now.
@Jay_FrickinLynn: [Giving a toast] "It was when I was entering blackout that I realized I forgot the Plan B at home. Happy 1st birthday, you little accident."
@SirEviscerate: ME: *sits* BARBER: You're completely bald. ME: Just snip the scissors around my ears and gently touch my head for 10 mins, please.