@TragicAllyHere: Lesser known historical fact: Abraham Lincoln's hat was so tall because he kept an upright Chipotle burrito in there
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@moooooog35: The average parent spends roughly 2.7 years of their life picking up crayons from under restaurant tables.
@david8hughes: [at the vets] He's really bad. He can't fly. "He's a cat though." [very sarcastically] oh I'm sorry is this the vets or the excuses clinic?
@hilaryfairie: I keep hearing "Just be yourself" from everyone. I didn't realize so many people want me to go to prison :(