@xofreckles: Lesson learned: toddlers don't understand sarcasm. As a side note, don't say 'bite me' around toddlers that don't understand sarcasm
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@SuperTeeWhy: Jaws (2015): "(cell phone) Hi Coast Guard, yeah a shark is banging my boat oh you're on your way great thanks"
@pannuscorium: My mom is a ginger and my dad is Mexican. I guess what I'm saying is that I can only be killed by some elaborate, magical ceremony.
@Ivsy01: If he asks you to be his girlfriend say yes and then hide from him so he can never break up with you.
@ilovepie84: My friend said his baby is sooo smart but the stupid idiot can't even figure out his way home when I forget him on the bus