@jwoodham: Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. Who threw that? Gary, was that you? Don't act innocent, I know you download music illegally.
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@cloudypianos: *lady shares a wallet photo of her son* *i pull out a 20-part accordion wallet photo set of my dogs*
@IamEveryDayPpl: I haven't worn corduroy since that time I almost died in a fire chasing the ice cream man...
@XplodingUnicorn: My daughters took turns tracing each other over and over with chalk. Now it looks like 25 children were murdered in my driveway.
@PhilJamesson: "Girl, are you a tree? cause-" "no i'm not a tree" "..cause i want-" "why are you still talking i'm not a tree" ".. i want t-" "not a tree"