@That_Damn_Duck: Let he who is without sin, get the hell away from me.
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@PJTLynch: [At bar] Me: As a joke, I’m gonna pee my pants Wife: Seriously? You’re a married man now M: Right...sorry. I’m gonna pee “our” pants #BT140
@marcia_bee: Imagine me in bed. Wrong. Wetter. Wrong again. Wetter. Wrong AGAIN! Soaking wet. This leaky roof is gonna cost me a fortune to fix!
@jwoodham: Don't let people tell you that life after college is nothing but being poor and tired. It's 100% true, but it's more fun if it's a surprise.