@That_Damn_Duck: Let he who is without sin, get the hell away from me.
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@larasjeansong: parents: you were such a smart kid what happened??!? me: your child died and was replaced by a lookalike; a conspiracy theory thread
@DominicStraw: Barber: What would you like today? Me: Make me look attractive. Barber: CAROL! CANCEL ALL MY APPOINTMENTS!
@bea_ker:  Dad, Mum, this is my girlfriend. You might recognise her, she used to be quite famous *the laugh-cry emoji steps forward shyly*