@gingerfaced: "Let me be clear" the sliding glass door said as I face planted it.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@dukelongboard: I crack my knuckles, turn to the cops and say "I got this" as I stroll toward the bank robbers and get shot in the face
@topaz_kell: Health Tip: If you find a pill on the floor of a public restroom, rinse it off before taking it.
@nonchalantnacho: Glad my dog is warning me about the child walking down the street catching snowflakes on his tongue. He seems sketchy.