We're redesigning Funny Tweeter. Your feedback is always welcome. Talk to us at @funTweeters
@CantWaitToNap: "Lethal Weapon" is my favorite movie about how to fix a dislocated shoulder.
@sickipediabot: If you're one in a million, there are more than 7,000 of you.
@Mikecanrant: Blood moon, shooting stars....I gotta move to a safer galaxy
@momthoughts13: Me: My head is killing me
My brain: You've had zero water today, destroyed your liver last night, haven't eaten much real food, and have finished almost an entire pot of coffee
Me: I think I'll make more coffee. Then maybe a beer.
@CroweJam: When life hands you women, make women laid.
@MableGertrude: I wonder if the earth ever looks at the 2016 election and thinks about hurling itself into the sun.