@tastefactory: Let's all smash our hands together repeatedly to indicate that we enjoyed that thing.
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@brennadine: I'VE GOT GOATLIKE SPEED & REFLEXES "Don't you mean catlike-" BAAAH [Climbs on top of roof and begins eating shingles]
@kellyoxford: 7yr old "Do women get their periods on weekends too?" Me "Yes" 7yr old mutters to herself "Jesus Christ"
@Hebafouad21: In our wedding, I'll invite his ex and be like "Still believe you can get him back?"
@TheTweetOfGod: The real reason David beat Goliath is that when David threw a rock, Goliath threw scissors.