@tastefactory: Let's all smash our hands together repeatedly to indicate that we enjoyed that thing.
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@TheMichaelRock: [at restaurant]] 8yo: why does mom eat half of your food? Me: because.. Wife *evil glare* Me *terrified* because I don't want it.
@Carbosly: I lost my voice. If whoever finds it could resume screaming at my ex-husband, that would be much appreciated.
@houffy: *i get home riding a pig* Wife: Hey honey, how was the "Hog Riders" meeting? Me: *sighs* Pointless...this one was for motorcycles too.
@iGreenMonk: Whenever my wife sings I have to go outside. Not to get away from her, but to prove to my neighbors I’m not beating her.