@NYC_Blonde: Let's all take a moment to honor National Punctuation Day because life would be: very, confusing! Without it?
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@XplodingUnicorn: [breaking up yet another fight] Me: Why do you always fight with your sisters? 6-year-old: Because I always win.
@kylamb16: Don't simply give a wrong # to guys @ the bar. Memorize the # of someone you despise and hand that shit out like Reese's pieces on Halloween
@thenatewolf: *mugger pulls a knife* Mugger: gimme your money Me: well this night took a SHARP turn *later* Doctor: it's a record for amount of stabs