@Midgetspar: Lets all Twittercide at the same time & not tell a Will Smith parody account, 1 dog account, & all the zombie people just to freak him out.
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@onion_an: [police raid at balloon store] Cop on radio:"We can hear gunfire is everyone ok, over" Hedgehog cop inside:"Its not gunfire, over"
@Izianikapani: Him:When do you get off? Me: Usually once you go to sleep Him: Me: Him: Me: Oh you mean work? 6 o'clock Hun, see you then.
@careworn: When a guy wearing cargo pants hits on me I'm tempted to go out with him just to see how many of my belongings I can fit into his pockets.