@Black__Elvis: "Let's blast some Jack Johnson and call each other Broseph and dump our girlfriends with a text." -Dudes who wear salmon colored jean shorts
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@brandonIee: Subway Guy: Enjoy your sandwich Me: You too! Subway Guy: Me: Me: *gives him my sandwich* this is yours now
@senorwinces: Just bought a 2013 calender, a rope and a stool. I like to keep the store clerk guessing.
@shatterpants: I hate when I wake up at night, look at the clock and go right back to sleep. Essentially my body is just waking me up to do math.