@just1fool: Hey, little bird! Maybe you wouldn't have to move your head around so much looking for threats if you didn't make so much god damn noise!

@david8hughes: Therapist: do u communicate with your kids? Me: my son stays in his room all day & never speaks Therapist [looks at notes]: the 5 week old?

@usermcuserface: No I don't want to go camping. I go to a dead end job 40+ hours a week just so I don't have to sleep outside.

@E_lok44: If by "social butterfly" you mean I will take off when you come near me, then yep.

@iGreenMonk: Whenever my wife sings I have to go outside. Not to get away from her, but to prove to my neighbors I’m not beating her.