@TheCatWhisprer: Let’s get married and have kids so instead of going out and spending hours talking and drinking we can spend hours waiting for a toddler to eat a chicken tender.
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@AthenaMystique: Dear Google Maps, Don't insult me by telling me to head "southwest". If I knew where southwest was, I wouldn't be using you. Kthnxbye
@djdarrellripley: Police Officer: You know, this is a one way street? Me: I was only going one way...
@jctwritesstuff: Niece: *screeching like a Valkyrie* Me: *wasted, drunk-whispering which is just yelling* Dad: *lecturing someone* Sister: *bickering with husband* FAMILY FEUD Host: THIS ISN'T HOW THIS WORKS! Me: *throat-punches him*