@UnFitz: Why learn big words when you can fabricaciously inventify them?

@carrietini: According to maxipad commercials, all women are full of blue windshield washer fluid.

@Rayne__Man: Fool me once, shame on you Fool me twice, shame on me Fool me three times, show me how you do that

@amydillon: "Sorry I was skeptical about your cough." -my new line of Get Well cards

@TheRealHoff10: People keep asking me today "So you have a new boss?" No, I'm still with my wife.