@jollyrobber: Is it wrong to make change from the collection plate? Asking for a friend.

@MrsGoose69: Before a long trip I drink allot of alcohol the night before. Dehydration will work for me for once.

@BigBagOfScum: the restraining order doesn't mean we can't hang, it just means I can't be within 50'. We could still play catch or frisbee or something...

@UrbanDouchebag: Be the change you want to find in your couch.

@KyleMcDowell86: [Old lady] Please dont pet my dog. She's a service dog [Me] Omg I'm so sorry (stands up straight & salutes dog) Thank you for your service