@Tonejonzz: Lets give each other cute nicknames like, 'Plaintiff' and 'Defendant'
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@Brianhopecomedy: My mother-in-law said that we should stay an extra day if it's too snowy to drive. SOMEONE LEND ME A SALT TRUCK.
@fro_vo: [on a speed date] (okay don’t let her know you’re a zombie) “so, what do you like best in a woman?” BRAAAIIINNNSS
@stonedcognition: These cat babies are straight up gangsta. I'm going to name them all after Friends characters. The one I hate will be Ross.
@Death_Buddy: You sneeze, and a tiny book titled "A spiders guide to navigating the human brain" shoots out your nose. You faintly hear a spider cussing.