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@Swishergirl24: "Let's just kill ALL the characters"
-Game of Thrones
@WeissBrandon: Oh no sir, that shark wasn't attacking me, my wife was yelling at me from the shore so I was just trying to swim into his mouth.
@CornOnTheGoblin: [tries to walk into my How to Use a Revolving Door class and ends up outside again] what the heck
@shutupmikeginn: [ear is bleeding for 3 days straight] hmm better keep an eye on that.
[laptop slow for one second] i gotta run AdWare & antivirus right now
@LorieGZ: Me: Did you know avocado improves Brain function?'
Kristen: 'Mom you eat it all the time and I haven't seen ANY improvement.'
@subtleapt: My mother always told me "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all"...and some people wonder why I'm so quiet around them.