@Kim_pulsive: There is no way to differentiate between the screams you hear from mass murder, passengers on a plane going down and 5 Tweens seeing a bug

@shariv67: We can put a robot on Mars but we can't make a hand rail that goes the same speed as an escalator.

@JBusch260: "Would you just look at all this bullshit?!" - enthusiastic fertilizer suppliers

@E_lok44: I'm gonna nail horseshoes on my nikes and gallop behind joggers

@tmoswole: To my English teachers who encouraged me to create magical works of literature as a boy. Here is my 3,007th Tweet. You can be proud.