@Mr_Kapowski: Lets not kid ourselves, if the zombie apocalypse broke out, there are a couple people we would swear were zombies so we could shoot them
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@TheMichaelRock: Wife: I better see a diamond this Mother's Day Me: say no more *buys baseball tickets*
@Reba_aa: I want someone to push me up against the wall.. lean in.. and softly whisper... "I'll do your housework for you"
@TheCiscoKidder: My wife went into labor this morning and I was excited until I saw that it's somebody's birthday on FB that I didn't like.
@Fred_Delicious: *approaches girl in bar* *passes right through her* *i've been dead for 73 years*