@electrolemon: "let's put computers and keyboards in our cars. now let's go catch all the people typing on tiny keyboards in their cars" - cops
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@ericsshadow: If your girlfriend says she's going out to run some errands and comes back with 6 bags from the mall... You might be dating my wife.
@thatdutchperson: Someone rang my doorbell twice this morning, so I guess I'm having lunch behind the couch.
@marinhubka: "I'm not sure-" wife: honey he's a zookeeper if he says these are koalas I trust him-aww look at them! *the raccoons hiss from the dumpster*