@electrolemon: "let's put computers and keyboards in our cars. now let's go catch all the people typing on tiny keyboards in their cars" - cops
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@dmc1138: Steve Miller: "Some call me the gangster of love." Rest of the Steve Miller Band: "Nobody calls him that."
@DaddyJew: Sneaking up on me from behind while I'm doing dishes is a super fun way to get yourself stabbed with a steak knife
@Dadness_au: Just had a 10 minute argument about the importance wearing pants in public with a 5yo She won, today I wear pants when I take her to school
@DadandBuried: My son can now reach the light switches so don't come over my house unless you're really into raves or want to have a seizure.