@KimMonte10: Let's raise our glasses. I'll say something then we all touch glasses to acknowledge what I said. We'll name this action after cooked bread
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@vineyille: "Food expiration dates are lies. It's all about control." My knife breaks as I cut into a plate of milk. "I'm saving this for later."
@PJTLynch: Announcer: "Welcome to the Super Bowl 50 Halftime Show. Are you ready to rock?!" [crowd goes nuts] A: "Well too bad, here's Coldplay"
@Michael_Erhart: Every time you push the potato button on your microwave, a potato appears in someone else's microwave.
@GreenishDuck: You're on your deathbed. You gather the strength to utter your last words "Boxers with pockets," you say. "You'll never have to wear pants."