@RealSudoNim: I tell women I can't open that jar because I have a headache.
@_davidlucas_: If your human doesn't feed you immediately, run in front of their feet and trip them up.
~Cats, apparently.
@_youhadonejob1: Unfortunate placement.
@CantWaitToNap: Husband confiscated my credit card last week. The news just said that Amazon stock is down.
THIS IS ALL HIS FAULT.
@TheDailySchmuck: They say all of this started because Eve ate an apple.
Clearly, the book was altered.
Everyone knows it had to be chocolate.
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