@what_a_messs: "Let's walk over there" "ok" -couple a cows
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@TheMichaelRock: Do women know that it's perfectly legal to apply makeup at home before they get in their car?
@LizHackett: "Dammit. I had shit planned today." -- a spider being carried out of the house with a cup and piece of paper
@TheHyyyype: [first day as a detective] ME: omg nothing but his skeleton is left! OTHER DETECTIVE: this is a halloween store. the dead guy's over there
@david8hughes: On the 5th day, god was hungover & didn't feel up to much so he created worms, shoelaces & spaghetti, then punched out just after 1pm.