@Sickayduh: Nurse: Taking you back into surgery. Something was sewn inside you.
Me: What? Can I talk to the surgeon?
[from my stomach] I'm right here
@GoldenSpirals: I'm just a girl,
sitting in her car,
wondering what the person I texted
"I'm in the cat" to,
is thinking right now.
@causticbob: There are 4 stages in life
1)You believe in Santa Claus
2)You don't believe in Santa Claus
3)You are Santa Claus
4)You look like Santa Claus
@ashleyaustrew: If you love someone, set them free. If they cry and refuse to leave the bathroom you're in, they're your kids.
@Swishergirl24: The hardest part about going through a divorce is finding a hitman you can trust.
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