@simoncholland: Letting the grocery bagger bring my groceries out sounds nice but I can't handle trying to remember where I parked in front of a stranger.
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@FatherWithTwins: "Daddy, I was just in the bathroom peeing, nothing else. That's all, so you don't need to look." - my 6yo, not sounding at all suspicious
@EamonToPlease: My TWILIGHT ZONE plot idea: The sole survivor of the apocalypse finally has time to listen to podcasts but still doesn't feel like it.
@splashguts: I just purchased duct tape at the Dollar Store to fix all of the other shit I bought at the Dollar Store. Life is going exactly as planned.