@kimmie_1980: Level of singleness: yelling, "pizza's here!" So the delivery man doesn't think all the pizza is just for me...
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@SortaBad: When my wife is out of town my sleeping position changes from 'balancing on edge of bed' to 'snow angel'
@YourAnMoron: Me "I love you." My 3yo "Thanks." And just like that, 4 years of High School memories came flooding back.
@SuburbanSleuth: My daughter's favorite past-time is implementing psychological warfare on my son. I let it slide because one day he'll have a wife.
@Holy_Mowgli: ME: I got fired for microwaving fish at work HER: whoa, fired? that seems harsh ME: whatever, I didn't like working at the aquarium anyway