@Brentweets: Liam Neeson is going to find that hour we lost.
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@JennyJohnsonHi5: One way to find out if you're old is to fall down in front of a group of people. If they laugh, you're young, if they panic, you're old.
@thenatewolf: *sees a guy snap fingers at a server. I reach for my bag* Wife: No. We only have one left. We have a baby. Me: (to genie) take his fingers
@patnelke: My kids have voted, and the results are in. It's official, I've been elected the President of Empty Threats.