@Tw1tter_K1tten: Lice is the herpes of kindergarten.
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@SirEviscerate: GIRL: Spirit, should I have sex with this guy? ME: *tries to push the ouija pointer to yes but it won't move* (under breath) grandma, PLEASE
@KevinBuffalo: *placing Trump & Hillary signs on my lawn Neighbor: "Confused about who to vote for?" Me: "What? No! I'm making a Halloween haunted house."
@Rollinintheseat: "Hi, I'm Rob Thomas for the Organ Donor Association. Give me your heart, make it real or else forget about it."