@RobDenBleyker: Life advice: If someone ever tells you "I'll be there in thirty minutes", you should ALWAYS respond with "You've got twenty" and hang up.
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@alicewhitey: How do you get in touch with the models in the pictures that come with the frame? I have an out of control, elaborate lie I need help with.
@sarcasticmommy4: If you think you're having a bad morning, my son is crying because his sock doesn't feel right.
@TheGladStork: Daughter: How was your day, Daddy? Me: Pretty busy, lots of meetings and deadlines. Her: DEAD LIONS!?!
@carlyken: [airport security] *BEEP* Ma'am, step through again *BEEP* Nice try pal, I'm not removing my Slayer shirt Ma'am, please it's too much metal