@TheBoydP: Life advice: Your bark may be worse than your bite but you really shouldn’t bark at people either.
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@LindaInDisguise: Me: My blood pressure is sky high. I need to get my affairs in order. Him: Make a will? Me: I was thinking flings with hot men, but OK.
@dietredbull: it's gotta be as much fun for a slinky to go down an escalator as it is for a human to walk on a treadmill
@KalvinMacleod: HER: I'm ending this ME: why? HER: you’re way too literal ME: I promise I can change HER: prove it ME: *puts on a different shirt*