@longwall26: Life got you down? Just remember that you will never be as confused and sad as the friends and relatives of the world's first clown.
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@ieatanddrink: A gentleman never eats his soup by soaking it into his tie and squeezing it out into his mouth
@trojansauce: *drinks milkshake* *runs to yard* *sifts through all the boys* *sighs* *puts up more posters for missing son*
@FatherWithTwins: Me: Wow, 5k followers Wife: Is your top tweet still something I said? Me: Ya Wife: Then aren't they really MY followers? Me: *drinks heavily