@ewfeez: LIFE HACK: A pancake makes a great and edible mouse pad.
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@TheRobCee: "I need a car. What do you have?" "Well, we have a Subaru Outback" "But what kind of Subaru?" "Outback" "I don't CARE where you keep it..."
@McKnightyBoo: My 6yo has been rolling around on the floor for 30 mins whining for me to get her some juice cause SHE doesn't want to Go ahead. Have kids
@IanDouglasTerry: Dude yelled "Fight me like a man" at me, so I held him down and marginalized him for a thousand years.
@ultimatesteve: *phone rings* Wife: Quick! Pretend I'm not in!" Me: *dresses baby up in Superman costume & duct tapes him to ceiling fan* Wife - "....""