@ewfeez: LIFE HACK: A pancake makes a great and edible mouse pad.
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@DanMentos: me: excuse me but is the pilot vaping? flight attendant: no there’s a fire in the cockpit me: oh thank god
@seamussaid: whenever the police put a mannequin in a squad car to slow traffic, I strategically place mannequins around town committing crimes
@Sickayduh: BOSS: I've called you here because I suspect one of you... IS AN OWL ME: Who? *everyone stares at me, even Gary whose head is turned 180°*