@MariyaAlexander: Life hack: ask telemarketers and phone scammers to go steady seconds into the conversation and never be bothered again OR now you found love
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@TuffyNyC: Kids, make sure you learn how to use a protractor in case one day you're a teacher & have to show kids how to use a protractor.
@MelvinofYork: Shrink: How many true friends do you believe you have? Me: Define “true friend.” Shrink: Someone you feel you can tell anything. Me: 11,419.
@abhorrent_wife: Being a parent means hiding in a closet to eat a donut so you don't have to share.