@chuuew: LIFE HACK: At the end of a night out, go to a Domino's Pizza, order a delivery then catch a ride with the driver. Dinner + transport home!
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@FullMetalMommy: Chin up divorced people; lots of us smug married parents envy your 50/50 custody agreement.
@ArfMeasures: ALLIGATOR: I'm gonna eat you ME: But we could be friends. You could be my palligator A: Ok for that I'm gonna somehow try to eat you twice
@NuryVittachi: WIFE: So, is Elon Musk an alien from another galaxy? ME: Nah, an alien would have a name made of random human sounds. Wait
@theDanLawler: Roses are red, except for all of the other colors of roses that have been in existence for thousands of years. Those are different colors.