@funnyordie: LIFE HACK: If a person is drowning, you can save their life by putting them in a bag of rice
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@GlumGeorgeLucas: Disney couldn't handle my awesome script. Kylo Ren was Rey's father. Finn was her brother. Chewbacca was her cousin twice removed.
@stevevsninjas: One time I stepped on a sea urchin and I forgot all about the migraine I was having, so yeah, I'd say acupuncture is pretty effective.
@TheHyyyype: [my first day as a psychologist] patient: i've been hearing voices me: okay so your ears work, now what’s wrong with that brainayours