@KarenKilgariff: LIFE HACK: If a public restroom is locked, violently yank the door handle over and over like a gorilla and never accept that it's occupied
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@causticbob: There are 4 stages in life 1)You believe in Santa Claus 2)You don't believe in Santa Claus 3)You are Santa Claus 4)You look like Santa Claus
@FeelingMervis: Give a man a fish, he can eat for a day. Give a man another fish, "Hey man where's that fish I gave you Monday? YOU ATE IT?! IT WAS A PET!!"