@KarenKilgariff: LIFE HACK: If a public restroom is locked, violently yank the door handle over and over like a gorilla and never accept that it's occupied
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@ieatanddrink: Dating tip: Girls love mysterious guys. For example, tell her "Im a lawyer.Or AM I?" then hum the Twilight Zone theme and turn into an eagle
@ComedicBust: Me: Ugh, there's always issues with the wifi! Mexican grandfather: When I was 6, I fought a pack of wolves crossing the border to America.
@SamGrittner: DETECTIVE: Are you the new chalk outline guy? ME: Yes I am DETECTIVE: Stick to the bodies, no more thought bubbles with spaghetti inside them ME: Eve- DETECTIVE: Yes, even if they were thinking about spaghetti