@DanMentos: LIFE HACK: If you want to remember something write it upside down on the back of your underwear waistband. You’ll see it when you’re pooping
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@phalguy: [At dentist] Dentist: Any plans for the weekend? Nnooiddtrrreeeskllyggfff Dentist: I'm not doing anything either.
@respected_loner: just found out today that monkeys don't lay eggs. so what have i been buying on craigslist. what have i been eating
@WhatevaConc: No Brett, I didn't even read that email. I'm not speaking to you because I overheard your Starbucks order this morning.