@joshgondelman: Life Hack: In any hipster coffee shop, say "You haven't seen The Wire?" and in the ensuing commotion, leave without paying.
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@Book_Krazy: Everytime I see my see my neighbors having sex in their hot tub, I think to myself "I can't believe I'm recording this"
@RunwayDan: Sometimes when life closes one door it opens another, because apparently life is trying to air condition the whole damned neighborhood.
@murrman5: [wife replies to text that I found a genie] dont do a thing im almost home [she pulls up and the car from the cars movie is in the driveway]
@MikalBershawn: *Kanye trips and falls* SUCH A GENIUS! WHAT A POETIC DEMONSTRATION OF HOW HIS ANCESTORS FELL TO SLAVERY AND ROSE AGAIN *jaden smith cries*