@DainWins: Life hack: McDonald's will deliver if you tell them that you are holding Ronald hostage for a ransom of [your desired food order]
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@MableGertrude: Things were different in the 80s one time I was kidnapped for a week and no one looked for me. I came home & my room was converted to a gym.
@blade_funner: wife: I'm having a baby. me: *handing menu back to waiter* I'll have a baby as well.
@brianbowman73: We were watching The Discovery Channel on the couch. I was naked. She was afraid. I guess I should have probably introduced myself first.