@JeremySchuetze: Life hack: Never actually say the words 'Life hack' out loud.
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@AndrewChamings: I like big DUCKS & I cannot lie All you other mallards can't deny That a big beaked freak with a- Park Ranger: Sir, you're scaring the kids
@Schmoodles: Don't talk to me about your drinking problems until you've tried to make your cat wear your contact lenses because he looked a bit squinty.
@juliussharpe: I was at the beach and the lifeguard blew his whistle at me. Dude, I'm 40. I'm not listening to a teenager in a bathing suit.
@Ristolable: [pitch meeting] Okay so it's a ton of dogs. Dalmatians. 100 of 'em. I call it "100 Dalmatians." [idea man pipes in] Let's think bigger