@kumailn: Life hack: Stare into your Uber driver's eyes through the rear view mirror the entire time.
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@theshamingofjay: Forgot my Fitbit because it was charging and now it's like I walked for no reason.
@david8hughes: Therapist: so your parents also suffered from depression? Me: no they both liked it
@meladoodle: this is the police, we have u surrounded come out with your hands on ur head, then ur shoulders, okay good now knees and toes knees and toes