@LizHackett: Life is a constant balancing act between wondering why you weren't invited to something and wondering how to get out of it.
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@david8hughes: You can't keep eating people's lunches from the break room & blaming the Taliban. A lot of what you've been stealing is pork for one thing.
@iamspacegirl: College Advisor: Well, there are a number of career options available in all of your potential majors, you just have to choose someth- Me: please i just want to be a small goat on the side of a mountain
@JohnLyonTweets: C'mon, when have I ever let you down? That was rhetorical, actually. Yes, that is a lot. Wow, did not expect you to bring out a chalkboard.